THIS IS FICTION! Want that to be clear–this is a make-believe tabloid piece generated from a prompt. :-).
Okay, now you can read. Please.
And thank you!
Boy With Static Electricity Disease Sparks Major Fire
By CP Dekat
Was the Rim Fire started by lightning?
“I know Johnny Leonard, and I know where Johnny was when that fire started,” asserted Mr. Elmer Sapp who lost his business and his home the day the fire started.
“He’s been causing a minor ruckus in our little mountain town all his life. Our one and only streetlight flickers when he walks under it. Televisions quit working when he’s around. Most annoyin’ if he shows up at a tense part. He can’t wear a watch; they won’t run when he puts them on. Don’t lend him your cell phone. Won’t come back the same, I promise you. Smart meters the power company wants to use? They’ve put three of them in at their house, ain’t none of ’em still running. Thank God his momma and his papa has enough sense not to let him pump gas, but I fill their tank for them anyways just in case they happen to change their minds. I saw him at the ball diamond reaching for the chain link fence and there was an honest-to-God arc that jumped fom his fingertips to the pole. Little lightning bolt. ‘S why I call him Sparky.”
Mr. Sapp asserts that the family of three stopped at his station the day the fire started. “They was goin’ campin’. And I thought to myself, Scout’s honor, is camping a good idea with a human flamethrower in tow? You know how dry everything is. Camping ain’t such a good idea period. But ya know, it’s not politically correct to be discriminatin’ so I just shut my yap and filled their tank. Fire started that night. They say it was lightning but no storm woke me that night, and I’m a light sleeper.”
It was confirmed by several others left homeless in the burned-out community that Johnny Leonard is one of a handful of humans with static electricity disease.
Is fire all a person with this disease can spark? Maybe not. Mr. W. Beaty, a leading researcher on human VandeGraaffs explains, “The ‘electric human syndrome’ might be caused by viruses; it might be an actual disease that you could catch from another ‘electric human.’ Flu viruses make you cough, and the “electricity disease” makes you spew out virus-laden air with each breath.”
Percy Shelley wrote “…man is a mass of electrified clay.” It seems his statement becomes more charged by the minute. Are we facing a new epidemic? Are the recent firestorms the evidence of viruses running rampant?
The issue deserves investigation.
From Take Ten for Writers by Bonnie Neubauer: Prompt #39 It’s All In Your Head, page 87, #4 Headline = Post Title + Write for 10 minutes.
I confess, I did research. I wasn’t supposed to. The situation in the prompt said I was given the assignment and no way to contact the outside world. But I couldn’t help it. I got curious, Googled “static electricity disease” and there was Mr. W. Beaty…
I don’t always follow all the rules. 🙂